Low point

I have hit a low point...

I literally cried on my way home from the gym.  I am so tired of being fat (in my opinion) I see people CrossFit and be not nearly as skilled or strong as I am and they look amazing.  It is so frustrating.  I want to be fit and deep down I want to look like Christmas Abbott...

What the fuck do I have to do to look like this?  A little LGN before I go home?  The problem is that I want instant shit and if I don't get it in a week or get frustrated I fucking binge like nobodies business.  I am trying this challenge that I am privy for 8 weeks and I am hoping for the best "by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail" I have to figure out my macros with this unpredictable food here. BAHHHH...I just want to look good.

In other news...I am 5#s closer to my 300# deadlift goal.  I hit 270 for my 1RM the other day.  Pretty excited about that and that I hit 207.5# on my back squat on accident!

I have been working on my Oly lifts, I can't decide if I want to have my lifting shoes sent out here or if I should just get better with just standard shoes.  For now its just me and my nike frees. 

Sleep time and reading time is becoming more and more sparse as I am now managing the CF gym and teaching 3 classes.  In need of some mental restoration.

Weighing in at 161.6 in my uniform and boots measurements to come soon and new pictures.